As what they say... I say... Give me back myself.

It has been over a quarter since I've updated this blog. Indeed, I've been so busy back then. Also, my schedule didn't allow me to update this every so often. Another thing is the fact that I myself don't have anything to say.
My life has become so stagnant and I can't help but to float around the area within, that my soul can only see. As stagnant as it is, the faster the chronological space moves; I don't know what I am doing.
I didn't want to blog previously because I don't want to. As simple as that. I'm sorry for being frank but it's just really like that.
Honestly, there had been so many thing to blog about but I don't feel the need to unleash the energy by simply writing. I am actually wondering what will happen if I've been true to this endeavor way back.

I've been lazy
I've been poor
I've been rich
I've been lonely
...
I've been sad.

However, taking it in a more technical manner, I've been laughing 90% of the time and I've only cried once when I talk about one of my problem... the least of all my problems to my sibling.

I am the kind of person that might intimidate you in the first sight. In fact, I was nominated for the "Impakta" award last GFA (and I won't be dwelling on that anymore honey). I tend to make people think first before saying things, even simple things. You who may be reading this might disagree but I'm sorry; this has been the majority of all people I know who said things like this to me. I don't look problematic and I do want to look like one. unfortunately, my nature won't allow. I still manage to laugh and crack jokes; corny jokes to be exact. The wrath that is within is the wrath that most broken individuals have. In this light, I've being true to myself yet hypocrite to others. I want others to see me.
I want them to see me as I am.
I want them to see me as I am as what I've become.
I want them to see me as I am as what I've become from the past year.

Sabi nga ng isa sa mga nang-onse sakin... "Nagtatapang-tapangan ka lang pala".

I am afraid of what I've become basically because all of these things are new and bad. They are bad but they undeniably add spices to my life. Also, I know that they are ways for me to appreciate all that I have... literally... positively... negatively...

Of all the things I know, there is only one thing that I am sure of... I am agnostic.
I know there is Him... yet I don't know Him
I know here I am... yet I don't know who I am
I know he is here... yet I don't know him
I know I don't know...
...that's why I end up being a laughingstock.

in the past months, I've known things like "Pronoun", "Adjective", "Adverb" and "Noun". I feel guilty though I say less things about them. I just can't help but to use them everyday.

quite confused? refer to your parents...

Bakit kaya ganun, kung sino pa yung dapat mong pagkatiwalaan at asahan yun pa ang unang-una mong pagtataguan at kakatakutan?

uhmmm... di ko alam gwapo... baka mahal ka lang nila...
Eh bakit ganun? kakainis naman!
Kasi para yun sa ikabubuti mo...
Kaya ba nasasaktan ako at nagiging impokrito sa sarili ko at sa kanila?
Eh ganun talaga gwapo...

Luuufet!